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Thursday July 18th 2019

New Concept Guided Cinema Gets Go Ahead

St Neots is set to become the envy of market towns country wide with the installation of a new “Guided Cinema.” Following the lengthy planning process to find a suitable cinema site to become derelict within a few years the council has now taken the bold step of employing forward thinking specialist cinema locators “Screwem, Grabbit and Runne” to come up with a feasibility study.

Councillor Dougall commented, “Forward thinking eh? I only self-think in real time so this is definitely a step…er…well…forward.”

After lengthy and expensive consultation, the final plan to ensure that the cinema is located correctly involves building the cinema on a moving platform that is then guided on concrete rails to wherever it is needed.

Councillor Paul Marcel, a long time supporter of making sure he gets a new year honours gong, said, “This is a triumph of 21st century innovation, just when we thought there was no way to convince anyone of the success of this scheme the ‘Guided Cinema’ puts us right back on track, ha ha, excuse the pun…I’m so happy! Have you got my best side?”

The scheme would see the cinema move through the town stopping at all the sites currently under consideration. The old dump, the old swimming pool, that piece of scrub-land near the evangelists and even the back of Tesco’s can now be part of the cinematic revolution that St Neots will be heading up.

Strangely Councillor Steve Van der Whitevanman was unavailable for comment although unconfirmed reports suggest that he may have been heard shouting “KNOBS” at the top of his voice when told of the scheme.

Thunder

Citizenship

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