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Monday August 19th 2019

Oldies Back Anti-Speeding Plan

6zortsCambridgeshire’s OAPs can once again rest easy, after the menace of sales reps and boy racers in Kev’d-up Saxos speeding through their villages is to be tackled.

No longer will the county’s septegenarians need to don hi-vis jackets and stand beside the road for hours on end with nothing but a Thermos of weak tea and a copy of the Express for company, as the County Council has announced plans to allow residents on main roads to install private speed cameras.

Maybelle Smythe, 72, of Offord Darcy, said “What a fantastic and wonderful idea! I might knit a camouflage hat for mine. The camouflage would have to be reflective yellow, of course, but that just adds to the challenge!”

CCC have said enquires into the cameras from Neighbourhood Watch and Speedwatch teams in the area have been astronomical. Spokesman Horace Cowley, who is based at Shire Hall, said, “Each camera will cost the landowner £50,000 to purchase and install, and about the same each year to run. All revenues will come to the County Council, obviously.” This does not seem to have deterred cash-strapped oldies, who once again have displayed an amazing propensity for finding bundles of used notes hidden in biscuit tins.

Derek Taylor-Swift, chartered accountant and treasurer of Yelling Parish, commented, “Do you really think that extra £75,000 every year I have added to our precept from CCC funds is really for stationery?”

Taylor-Swift continued: “The proposed number of cameras through Yelling is to be 12, thanks to a number of wealthy donors.”

Many drivers interviewed feel that it will just mean whole villages are now no longer viable for shortcuts. One motorist said that “I could lose my license within a two mile stretch on the way to work.”

Suggestions by the Citizen that drivers merely do not exceed the speed limit were quickly ridiculed. “Duct tape on the number plate and drive through at 50 mph. There will more flashes than at the red carpet of a film premiere”.

A.J Oke

A.J Oke is an Eastsider who actually graduated, from the St Neots Library University with a pass in English and Journalism in 2003.

He is a sociable type who likes to look for a scoop wherever he can find it. A keen follower of all our local celebrities – that’s follower, and definitely not stalker. The restraining order against Mark Faster is purely an administrative error.

His passion is chav spotting, with multiple volumes of St Neotian chavs and a little black book of the easiest Chavettes.


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