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Sunday April 23rd 2017

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

CNHQLocal newspaper the Cambridge Evening News In The Morning has revealed that it is going to sack all its reporters, relying instead on stories lifted directly from social media.

In a test of the system recently, the CENITM told readers of a scam involving motorists being approached for the purchase of rogue items at Histon roundabout on the A14. However, when the Citizen investigated, it turned out that the entire article had been copy and pasted from a Facebook post made 48 hours earlier – complete with the usual bad grammar and spelling typical of the stalker-friendly website – and frequently shared by people with nothing better to do.

“It’s brilliant,” said editor Golden Brown. “We first came up with the idea when we stopped taking actual photos about three years ago, instead relying on stock images and an A14 sign we drew in MS Paint. Not a single person noticed. After all, the Hunts Poster has been doing the same thing for years!”

It is thought that staff at the newspaper’s Winship Road offices will be reduced to a large advertising team, and someone with a Twitter account.

Ken Faulstitch

Ken Faulstitch was born in New Jersey in 1921 and is still not dead. He remains a 31-year-old local news hack, is only available in black and white, and it still not sure whether this new-fangled internet thing will take off.

Citizenship

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