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Saturday September 22nd 2018

Police Warn Of Sale Scam

Inspector Perry Grafham of the local plod has warned of an increase in fake church fund raising sales.

Alerted by keen eyed Citizen reader Elle Tisley, the alleged “table-top” sale at St Chantelle’s The (Last One in St Neots) Virgin was revealed as nothing more than a jumble sale full of shit that wouldn’t even sell on eBay.

Ms Tisley commented, “I took my old Mum down there to get her a scrubbed pine top and me a melamine kitchen surface only to find loads of crap like broken Lego and old jumpers. Even the table-tops there weren’t for sale and were just old pasting tables with stains on”.

“It’s endemic of the depths to which the religious folk of this town are prepared to stoop. Just because some * (insert derogatory term for foreigner, traveller etc. to suit your prejudice here) decided to nick 3 tons of lead off the roof doesn’t mean ripping off the local table top appreciation society” commented Inspector Grafham. “Also, the money’s probably funding terrorists. That’s what we like to say these days.”

Thunder

Citizenship

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