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Monday August 19th 2019

Rude Road Comes Under Fire

The latest road to gain a name on Far Eastside estate Love’s Farm has come under fire for being a bit rude.

Belland Hill, which gained it’s name sometime in the last couple of weeks, is not named after anything in particular, according to councillors and developers.

However, the name is just one vowel away from a slang term for part of the male anatomy – or rather the end of part of the male anatomy. This has got citizens a bit riled up.

“This is disgraceful,” said Stone Hill resident Mick Trucknell, 42. “It’s bad enough living on roads called Hill when there’s only a 0.5% incline, but making the first part of the name this explicit? They might as well have erected a sign calling it Nobend Close!”

Councillors were, predictably, not forthcoming about the new name. “The thing is,” said former council leader Derek Miles, “it’s usually the councillors who suggest names for the new roads, so one of them is clearly having a giggle. Maybe it’s got something to do with all the cock-waving going on now we’re friends with the Tories?”

Lib Dem town and now District Councillor Steve van der Whitevanman, whose email address is now a record 746 characters long, strongly denied adjusting the final A on the roadsign to an E, despite having smudgy black marker-pen ink all over his hands. “I was, er, drawing a poster, yes that’s it,” said WVM yesterday. “I certainly didn’t change the sign to say Balland or any other connotation…”

In other news, the Citizen has resorted to nob gags, and is very sorry,

Citizen Editor

The Citizen Editor lives in Citizen Towers, on the town’s luxurious Westside. Rumoured to be nearly thirty, he has claimed to be 23 for the last few years and is currently also a grotty tax-dodging student.

His hobbies involve upsetting small villages and repeatedly giving up smoking. He drinks approximately a gallon of tea every day.

Citizenship

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