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Thursday July 18th 2019

Sandbanks Now Rivalled by Eynesbury Riviera

Multi-million pound properties in the exclusive Dorset region of Sandbanks have been pushed into 5th place in the list of the world’s most expensive real estate by the current development on the Great Ouse East Bank.

Even the most fervent supporters of St Neots lifestyle and living have been surprised at how exclusive these riverside apartments have now become.

However Twiggy Holmes, local property developer and housing magnate, showed little shock at this turn of events. ” We always knew that land prone to flooding, its own health centre, Tesco’s on the doorstep and a view of the bypass would attract massive interest from the million pound plus market.” She added, “Most people think Sandbanks is exclusive but actually all the properties are inhabited. So far only one person lives on the Eynesbury Riviera, how much more exclusive can you get?”

Ms Holmes was less forthcoming about the accusation that the development’s increased status had only come about due to Oi!! Magazine referring to it as “Eynesbury Riviera” rather than “Eynesbury Marina” and that this had resulted in Google searches returning it just above the Cote D’Azure. “What utter tosh,” she continued, “everyone knows what a rag that magazine is, frankly our marketing department identified its potential years ago and we’ve been promoting it as a rival to any of the world’s property hotspots for ages.”

Interestingly, the Riviera’s only occupant, Thundopolus P. Staker is in fact Oi!!’s infamous editor. In a rare interview Staker told us “Yer well, in this market my capital was well reducing so I came up wiv the Riviera moniker and now my gaff’s wurf about 5 mil- serweet! I thought I might call it Eastbanks but that just sounded like a telly programme”.

Prince Albert II of Monaco was unavailable for comment.

Thunder

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