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Tuesday March 28th 2017

Scatalogical Scandal As Phantom Strikes Again

Toilet-paper-rolls-468x351It has been almost three months since the last horrific sighting of this dastardly deviants work but on Monday 14th the Citizen was contacted by an eye witness.

The witness, who wishes to remain anonymous for fear of retribution from this villain, reported “a scene like a mudslide on a tight Italian mountain road”, before adding that it had a “noxious aroma with a hint of hazelnuts”.

Most of us here at the Citizen thought that the phantom had gone to ground after the local rozzers set up the elite MC squad to investigate these inhumane crimes. However, it seems he – or she, or, indeed, it – is still at large.

Local office dibbles had this to say: “We urge members of the public to report any sightings immediately and not to flush.”

This story is far from over. Stay safe citizens.

Benedict Slice

Benedict “Steak” Slice is a Northerner currently living in Cambridgeshire. His alcohol stream contains around 6.2% blood, and he does not need a coat until the temperature reaches minus twelve.

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