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Saturday September 23rd 2017

Stealth Gippos Move In

pikeysSt Neots residents working in north Cambridge were shocked yesterday by an email from security stating that travellers had gained access to their office park.

Despite a heavy security presence made up of former Gurkhas dressed in high visibility jackets and hats, the wandering tealeaves managed to dismantle a really solid barrier made of roadworks cones and set up a small village in the car park of an empty building.

Questions were asked, however, when it was revealed that no-one had seen them turn up. “The problem here,” said genetics expert Alan Quail, of Cambridge University’s English department, “is one of a unique genetic mutation, caused by years of inbreeding and living in caravans.”

Indeed, it appears that the pikeys have gone invisible.

“This is a very dangerous development indeed,” Quail told the Citizen. “If they’ve gone invisible, then they’ll be able to pinch your nan for scrap and you won’t even see them leaving!”

Bluefence employee Steve Ernst, 31, arrived for work this morning and was immediately disappointed. “I walked really slowly passed the mysterious gypsies,” he said, “and no-one offered me lucky heather, or tried to sharpen my knives!”

Story submitted by Ercol Parker

Citizen Editor

The Citizen Editor lives in Citizen Towers, on the town’s luxurious Westside. Rumoured to be nearly thirty, he has claimed to be 23 for the last few years and is currently also a grotty tax-dodging student.

His hobbies involve upsetting small villages and repeatedly giving up smoking. He drinks approximately a gallon of tea every day.

Citizenship

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