Tag Archive
Council Plans To Alter Passage Of Time
St Neots Town Council are hoping to alter time and possibly reality, by staging the 2007 Christmas lights switch-on this week. Last year, there was no lighting ceremony after a set of lights fell on a pedestrian’s head. But a spokesman for the council today said that rather than just leave 2007′s decorations as... »
Citizen Returns After Internet Loss
The St Neots Citizen finally resumed publishing today after St Neots successfully escaped from the 1950′s. The town had been stuck in the past for over a week following a small power cut. Local man Danny Saunders, 22, said he did not enjoy his Wednesday evening after both Virgin and Sky services failed, leaving... »
St Neots "Not Centre Of Universe" Claim Scientists
Scientists at CERN, the Swiss research facility responsible for the failed Big Bang Machines, have stunned St Neots residents by revealing that the town may not, as was previously believed, be the absolute centre of the universe. During an incident last week, when part of the Large Hadron Collider overheated by almost 100°c, a... »
CERN Experiment "Not Sexual"
CERN today re-iterated that their so-called “Big Bang Machine” had nothing to do with sex. Since like week bad jokes about the LHC, previously rumoured to be underneath St Neots, have proliferated in both internet and graffiti form. Spokesman Guillaume le Trec, for CERN, said, “We are very tired of this. Truly, we do... »
St Neots Large Hadron Collider Mix Up Solved
Further to the earlier report that St Neots was home to worlds most expensive catherine wheel, The Citizen can now exclusively reveal the source of the misunderstanding. What had actually been spotted was a Small Colander Divider (SCD) in the latest Bettaware catalogue. Used to separate peas and sweet corn when being heated, this... »
Large Hadron Collider May Succeed Where AA Failed
Ten years ago the AA attempted to rid the world of St Neots by literally wiping it off the map. Fortunately, life does not immitate cartography and the town survived. However, now a new and much more real threat presents itself in the form of the Large Hadron Collider, or LHC. A group of... »
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