Posts Tagged ‘CERN’
St Neots Minutes Ahead
Local councillors have teamed up with “Expert Scientists” in an attempt to attract new businesses to the town’s increasingly empty industrial estates. In a statement today (Thursday), council leader Julia Wayward revealed that, despite sitting to the west [Read More]
Scientists Sinking Streets?
Scientists at research outfit CERN, whose Large Hadron Collider was rumoured last year to be underneath St Neots, have come under fire again from residents in the Humberley Close area, who are concerned their houses are shrinking. “My house is cracking up,” said [Read More]
Council Blamed For Less Snow
Huntingdonshire District Council were today under fire from St Neots residents, who claimed that St Neots was not getting it’s fair share of snow. The town’s location in a geographically distinct “bowl” or dip means that the temperature in St Neots [Read More]
Mums “Look Like Vicky Pollard”
Hot on the heels of the news that Cambourne’s population is the most fertile in the world, your roving Citizen reporter can reveal that the following was overheard during the weekly trolley dash round Morrisons. “What is it with this place? All the buggy-pushers [Read More]
Hospitals Decrease Waiting Times With Help Of CERN
Hinchingbrooke and Addenbrookes hospitals have revealed a brilliant new plan to cut A&E waiting times, with the help of rumoured-to-be-local Expert Scientists, CERN. While waiting times have fallen dramatically in the last few years, NHS chiefs are said to be concerned [Read More]
Rubbish Weather In August Shocker
St Neots residents today expressed surprise and upset that the weather this weekend was slightly less than summery. On both Saturday and Sunday, the town woke up to a windy yet sunny day, only for it to cloud over by lunchtime. Despite the fact that this is typical British [Read More]
Hole Appears In High Street
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A large hole has appeared in the centre of St Neots, causing concern and outrage amongst local traders. The hole materialised over night last week and there was initially some confusion amongst local councillors that it might be the same one that had been existing for some [Read More]
New Facebook Blamed For Pub Disappearance
The new layout of social networking site Facebook, launched earlier this year, has been blamed for the recent disappearance of listed Eaton Socon pub The Bell. Thousands of users got very upset when the site made using the new layout compulsory, when previously they could [Read More]
Solicitors Disappointed With Christmas Lights
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Local injury compensation specialists Win Just Over £7000, LLP have revealed their disappointment with this year’s Christmas lights in the town. Partner Irma Konnman said that his firm had laid on extra staff in the High Street and Market Square last Friday in order [Read More]
Council Plans To Alter Passage Of Time
St Neots Town Council are hoping to alter time and possibly reality, by staging the 2007 Christmas lights switch-on this week. Last year, there was no lighting ceremony after a set of lights fell on a pedestrian’s head. But a spokesman for the council today said that [Read More]
