Posts Tagged ‘Chavs’
New School Thief-Proof
South Cambs DC have revealed that new secondary school Cambourne Village College is designed with special anti-theft measures. Motorists on the A428 have been watching with interest from their daily traffic jam as the building takes place, noting that it appears to be made [Read More]
Jesus “Ultimate Guest” Say Kyle Team
A researcher for Britain’s favourite mid-morning diversion The Jeremy Kyle Show has revealed that the show plans to book Jesus as a guest. “It seems obvious really,” said Robert Kilroy-Silk, who used to host his own show until he turned into an on-air [Read More]
Cooking With Teens: Poor Man’s Carbonara
We got a couple of 15-year-olds in to share their recipes. Benny T. Bean is away. Ingredients 150g-200g dried taglietelle per person 4 Laughing Cow triangles nicked from the fridge of a mum or nan Cheap ham offcuts pinched from Tesco whilst ostensibly purchasing a copy of [Read More]
Chav Superhighway Funding Exclusive
As the bridge is opened over the Great Ouse, St Neots Citizen has uncovered the missing funding donor for the Eynesbury to Eatons Chav Superhighway. It appears that the unaccounted-for money, to the tune of a Rowley Million, has been put forward by a consortium made up of [Read More]
Lack Of Superhighway Upsets Chavs
New resident in town Chardonnay-Leigh bemoans the yet-unfinished bridge. Will it drag on as long as the busway? [Read More]
Chavs Rubbish At Rioting
St Neots teens have tried and completely failed to start a riot in a copycat incident following disturbances in London and around the UK this week. Angry fourteen-year-olds – up to five of them – gathered on the Market Square last night armed with pictures of [Read More]
Idiot Chavs “Nearly Killed Obama”
Fresh reports from the scene of bin Laden’s death have revealed that the group of “hero-hoodies” from St Neots, who successfully carried out the assassination, nearly got the wrong man. Spokesman Darren Waynerightyeah was said to be [Read More]
Bin Laden Done In By Moody Chavs
The world celebrated last night after news that Osama bin Laden has been killed following a ten-year manhunt. However, it appears reports of a gun battle involving US Marines were in fact covering the true facts – a gang of moody St Neots chavs in fact carried out the [Read More]
St Neots Girls Mistaken For Stevenage Scum
St Neots girls were yesterday refused entry to the entire town of Stevenage after a case of mistaken identity led bouncers to believe they were pub-smashing ruffians. [Read More]
Local Chavs Terrified Of Gun-Wielding Nans
Hoodie yobs in St Neots report they are scared to leave their own homes after gangs of knife-happy pensioners began roaming the streets. Reports in local rags of a “grey crime-wave” only hint at the daily abuse suffered by local teens at the hands of loudmouthed [Read More]
