Tag Archive
White Elephant May Be Grey
Rumours currently circulating St Neots have it that the white elephant building at Alpha Park, Eaton Socon – otherwise known as “that shit-off massive empty warehouse” – may not be so white after all. Beatty Broadband, director of the St Neots Rumour Mill and Chinese Whisper Distribution Depot, today said that the company often... »
All Council Decisions To Be Based On Facebook
Following national media coverage of the “St.Neots Needs A Cinema” Facebook group, St Neots Town Council today announced plans to base all future policies and decisions on Facebook groups. The group, which has the “tremendous support” of around 2,500 members and spells the town name incorrectly, has been cited in local and national papers... »
New Concept Guided Cinema Gets Go Ahead
St Neots is set to become the envy of market towns country wide with the installation of a new “Guided Cinema.” Following the lengthy planning process to find a suitable cinema site to become derelict within a few years the council has now taken the bold step of employing forward thinking specialist cinema locators... »
Council Have New Site For Cinema
St Neots Town Council today got themselves all in a tizz over the news that a new site may be made available for their white elephant cinema project, as ATS Euromaster announced their Brook Street site would close. “Well that’d be ideal wouldn’t it,” said self-thinking Eynesbury councillor Terrence Dougall. “I thought the old... »
Monday Opinions: What’s Pissing You Off This Week
In a new recurring series that will run as long as we can be bothered with it, the Citizen went out and about in St Neots over the weekend to find out what is getting your backs up this week. Number one on your hitlist is still the debacle over the St Neots cinema.... »
St Neots To Lose A1 Exit
Under a new ruling by the Government, following a “brilliant idea” from Brussels, St Neots is to lose one of its three A1 junctions in an attempt to reduce traffic. Local councils, backed by the Government, have long been fans of half-arsed schemes to reduce the number of cars on the road, such as... »
Councillor Caught Thinking
In a Citizen exclusive we can reveal that local Councillor Terrence Dougall has been caught "thinking for himself." In a move that will shock many, not least his constituency party, Mr Dougall has finally followed through his intention to use his own brain for "working stuff out." Last week, in an unprecedented move, Mr Dougall... »
Lib Dems Secretly Win Secret Election
The Town Council's ruling Liberal Democrats were secretly celebrating this week after a secretive victory in a secret election. Van der Steven promised to be accessible to the people of Eynesbury via a premium-rate number. "It's a good plan this," he commented »
Multi-Storey Solution To Site Conflict
Following on from news that the super-surgery was looking at using the same site as the cinema, a compromise has been drawn up. The solution is to build a multi-story complex which combines both. A spokesman for the town council said, “When we heard that the NHS were looking at pinching our site we... »
Large Hadron Collider May Succeed Where AA Failed
Ten years ago the AA attempted to rid the world of St Neots by literally wiping it off the map. Fortunately, life does not immitate cartography and the town survived. However, now a new and much more real threat presents itself in the form of the Large Hadron Collider, or LHC. A group of... »
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