“Redundancy could not have worked out better for me, my new job means I get to drive away every day. Now I spend less than 8 hours in the crummy shithole once my travelling is taken into account.”

Mr. Hatttttttt had been commenting on the decision by council officials to repair his whole road and not just the bits without cars on. “If I still had to get the train my car would have been tarmacked over and I wouldn’t have got me benefits.”

We asked Mr. Hatttttttttttttttt why he still lived in the town if he felt so good when he left it. “Fucked if I know, it just seemed easier to have a fucking good moan than admit the council were doing a reasonable job for once.”

We asked others for their feelings on staying in the town. “High street? What High street?” said Tilly Brook from Cromwell Road. “I only know how to get to station. I just sleep here.” she added.

Love’s Farm resident Gordon Manchester was equally confused “I honestly hadn’t a clue that this was anything other than a great big dormitory” he said.

Sir John Betjaman was unavailable for comment.

“The car park was completely full,” said Miss Ning, who drove to the station after 9.30 to avoid the high parking charges before this time. “I don’t want to pay over three pounds to park my car. I only want to rent the space, not buy it.”

Fellow commuter John Sands, of Hail Weston, agreed. “It’s stupid,” he said. “People arrive at 7am and take all the spaces. It’s selfish.” When The Citizen suggested that this is necessary for people to get to work by nine, Mr Sands looked blank. “9? 9am? That means nothing to me,”