Tag Archive
Tories Love Carparks Best
Conservative town councillors today showed the world – and the Lib Dems – that they are most committed to saving our free car park at the Riverside, by moving into it. Councillors including Paul Marcel and Larry Hackman parked a 1984 “Sundance 1000″ caravan in the Riverside car park, and declared that they would not... »
Councillor sticks one up The Citizen
In an extraordinary turn of events anonymous anti-social self-thinking Councillor Terrence Dougall, who is currently the subject of a restraining order, has made sense. The Citizen offices were today struck dumb by the rational, logical and non-sensationalist comments by Dougall regarding the planned opening of a new Ice Cream Parlour. Dougall’s planning report stated that “It’s... »
St Neots Declares Independence!
A group of councillors and locals calling themselves the “St Neots Popular Front” today declared independence from the UK. The new People’s Liberal-Conservative Democratic Socialist Republic of St Neots will aim to stop people whinging about the lack of services they get from their council tax, amongst other things. It is hoped that the new single... »
Councillors Forced Apart
Warring Tory and Lib Dem town councillors were this week told that as they cannot play nicely, they were going to be kept separate from now on. St Neots will be split into two sections – the “West Side”, containing the Eatons, and the “East Side”, comprising St Neots and Eynesbury. Each local party will... »
Councillor Breaches Restraining Order
Within just days anti-social self-thinking Councillor Dougall has breached the court order forbidding him to engage in any form of public thinking. Commenting on a sensitive and delicate case, the anonymous councillor effectively ignored any logic and ended further debate by declaring “Stop it now. I’m right because I’ve chosen to make up my own... »
Conservationists Up In Arms Over Car Park
Local historians and conservationists were today up in arms following a recent town council decision to repair the church car park in Eaton Socon. The car park has been in a terrible state for years and was closed by the council on safety grounds. However, local resident and chairman of the local history group Dorothy... »
Mystery Chav Gets Restraining Order
A mysterious chav who no-one can name or identify has been handed a restraining order to ensure he stays the fuck out of Dodge. In fact, commenters on a local web forum were today at a loss to describe the person who has only been described in the news as “a man, or woman, between... »
Two Year Restraining Order Placed On Eynesbury Councillor
A two year restraining order has been placed on an Eynesbury councillor convicted of thinking in a public place. The councillor, who cannot be named, pleaded guilty to one case of thinking for himself and another two counts of harassment by dangerous thinking. The charges were brought against him after a number of incidents in the... »
All Council Decisions To Be Based On Facebook
Following national media coverage of the “St.Neots Needs A Cinema” Facebook group, St Neots Town Council today announced plans to base all future policies and decisions on Facebook groups. The group, which has the “tremendous support” of around 2,500 members and spells the town name incorrectly, has been cited in local and national papers as... »
“No Such Thing As An Isolated Incident” Says Councillor
Local councillor Steve van der Whitevanman hit out at claims that a man getting his ear bitten off and an attempted shooting at Unique this week were “isolated incidents”. “I find it hard to believe this was isolated,” said van der Whitevanman as the Citizen paraphrased his post from the St Neots forums. “Less than... »
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