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Thursday July 18th 2019

Posts Tagged ‘Councillors’

Town Misses Torch

Town Misses Torch

St Neots residents today realised that they had definitely been bypassed by the Olympic torch relay, despite the flaming article in question having travelled through St Ives and Huntingdon nearly a week ago. Tens of people turned out in the county’s two smaller towns to [Read More]

Cockwaving Makes Welcome Return

Cockwaving Makes Welcome Return

St Neots welcomed this week  the return of local political one-upmanship, the Cock Wave. Since the disappearance of local award winning Cock-Waver extraordinaire Cllr Larry Hackman the town has found itself without a Self-Promotion Champion. All that changed this week as [Read More]

Rubbish Weather Still A Shocker

Rubbish Weather Still A Shocker

St Neots residents were surprised to find, once again, that the weather over the bank holiday was due to be bloody awful. The Citizen has always aimed to keep locals up to date on the terrible meteorlogical situation over the summer, as when we correctly predicted two years [Read More]

WWWO: Councillor Hacked-Off Over Lacking Hacking

WWWO: Councillor Hacked-Off Over Lacking Hacking

The Citizen’s sure to be shortlived While We Were Off series looks back at some of the news that occurred while we were on summer break. Lifestyle correspondant Thundopolous P. Staker files this report: Bean-Counting Councillor and Territorial Army reservist, Harry [Read More]

St Neots Squares Up To Newmarket

St Neots Squares Up To Newmarket

Neotians were today preparing for a scrap as it was announced that Newmarket, mostly over the border in Suffolk, was considering changing to a much more prosperous county – potentially robbing St Neots of it’s “largest town” status. “This [Read More]

Candidates Quiet As Election Day Dawns

Candidates Quiet As Election Day Dawns

The Citizen were surprised that local councillors had been surprisingly quiet in the run-up to today’s elections. Only Militant Steve van der Whitevanman and Conservative opponent Harry “R” Rogerson had anything new to say, with the rest of the councillors [Read More]

Councillor Re-Brands!

Councillor Re-Brands!

“Opal Fruits” became “Starburst” and “Marathon” turned into “Snickers”. The marvellous “JIF” is now “CIF”! All lame attempts to increase the profile of the product and the latest ruse by genial local [Read More]

Bin Laden Done In By Moody Chavs

Bin Laden Done In By Moody Chavs

The world celebrated last night after news that Osama bin Laden has been killed following a ten-year manhunt. However, it appears reports of a gun battle involving US Marines were in fact covering the true facts – a gang of moody St Neots chavs in fact carried out the [Read More]

St Neots Girls Mistaken For Stevenage Scum

St Neots Girls Mistaken For Stevenage Scum

St Neots girls were yesterday refused entry to the entire town of Stevenage after a case of mistaken identity led bouncers to believe they were pub-smashing ruffians. [Read More]

Local Rags Fear Closure

Local Rags Fear Closure

Local freebie newspapers the Hunts Post-It and News, Crier and Something were this week facing a bleak future after the much-maligned Guided Busway was completed. Around 72% of the papers’ coverage has been made up of reports of the project for nearly three years, [Read More]

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This Just In

Town Gears Up For New Complaint

Town Gears Up For New Complaint

Neotians were this week beginning to prepare for 2014′s predicted favourite sport – namely, complaining [Read More]

Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi

Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi

District and county councillor Steve van der Whitevanman caused controversy this week after he definitely didn’t [Read More]

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Meat experts have today shocked the British public with the real reason behind the horse DNA contamination scandal. [Read More]

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Local newspaper the Cambridge Evening News In The Morning has revealed that it is going to sack all its reporters, [Read More]

New School Thief-Proof

New School Thief-Proof

South Cambs DC have revealed that new secondary school Cambourne Village College is designed with special anti-theft [Read More]

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