As the bridge is opened over the Great Ouse, St Neots Citizen has uncovered the missing funding donor for the Eynesbury to Eatons Chav Superhighway. It appears that the unaccounted-for money, to the tune of a Rowley Million, has been put forward [Click to read more...]
St Neots girls were yesterday refused entry to the entire town of Stevenage after a case of mistaken identity led bouncers to believe they were pub-smashing ruffians. [Click to read more...]
Hoodie yobs in St Neots report they are scared to leave their own homes after gangs of knife-happy pensioners began roaming the streets. Reports in local rags of a “grey crime-wave” only hint at the daily abuse suffered by local teens at [Click to read more...]
Residents of Eaton Ford and Eaton Socon today expressed a lack of surprise that down-at-heel neighbour Eynesbury topped the crime statistics in a new “street-level crime map” by the police. Rozzers caused consternation in Cambridge when [Click to read more...]
Police spokesman Kim Stonely-Bolton has revealed that increased theft of much-coveted iPhones in St Neots has in fact reduced reported theft by 85%. “This is brilliant news,” said Stonely-Bolton, “as it shows that Cambridgeshire [Click to read more...]
Huntingdon’s criminal fraternity was reeling last night after being comprehensively outshone by their St Neots rivals. Two successful armed robberies in the better town, targetting Securicor vans outside supermarkets and banks, have recently [Click to read more...]
Local law enforcers were today said to be glad that they had a scapegoat for every single crime committed in the five weeks that the Unique bar, on South Street, was open. “It seems a likely target,” said local copper PC George Plotkiss. [Click to read more...]
Local councillors, business representatives and local police have hailed the closure of the old Huntingdon Road pool “a complete success.” Some years after the community resource was filled and fenced off a council report has shown a [Click to read more...]
Drug dealers in St Neots were today up in arms after the council announced it was to close South Street public conveniences. The grotty old bogs, whose odour can be detected as far away as Little Paxton, have long been a blight on the landscape of [Click to read more...]
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