Tag Archive
Police Keen To Blame All Crimes On Unique
Local law enforcers were today said to be glad that they had a scapegoat for every single crime committed in the five weeks that the Unique bar, on South Street, was open. “It seems a likely target,” said local copper PC George Plotkiss. “Now the bar has been shut down, we can say that... »
Green Field “Complete Success”
Local councillors, business representatives and local police have hailed the closure of the old Huntingdon Road pool “a complete success.” Some years after the community resource was filled and fenced off a council report has shown a fall in costs, deaths, crimes and toes stubbed on dodgy paving slabs. Councillor Steve Whyte-Van-Der Ryyver said... »
Dealers Bemoan Closure Of Toilets
Drug dealers in St Neots were today up in arms after the council announced it was to close South Street public conveniences. The grotty old bogs, whose odour can be detected as far away as Little Paxton, have long been a blight on the landscape of South Street, especially since all the shops and... »
Local Papers In Catnap Shocker
St Neots was stunned today by the revelation that local newspapers may be stealing cats in order to generate front page stories. The shock claims come after a sharp increase in the number of felines going missing in recent weeks, particularly from the Eynesbury area. "Well, at first we just thought it was typical Eynesbury... »
Local Store Accidentally Discovers Fireproof Money
Following a break-in at the Co-op food store in Great North Road, during which intruders attempted to gain access to the contents of the cash machine using a blow-torch, the manager has claimed to have discovered “Fireproof Money”. “Yep,” said Dave Bedejaz, 42. “They scorched the cash machine and the ceiling and all sorts,... »
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