Tag Archive
CEO Caught Short
The St Neots toilet closures have claimed their first high profile casualty. HDC CEO Davis Munts was seen fleeing Barrtts department store using obscene language after trying to use the cafe toilet without buying anything. Frightened staff were shaking after a tiraid of abuse from Mr Munts after being told that he would need to buy from the... »
Council Blamed For Less Snow
Huntingdonshire District Council were today under fire from St Neots residents, who claimed that St Neots was not getting it’s fair share of snow. The town’s location in a geographically distinct “bowl” or dip means that the temperature in St Neots is on average 1.5º higher than Huntingdon or Cambridge, but also means that locals... »
Sneaky New Tip Hits Targets
Huntingdonshire District Council were today celebrating after their new household waste recycling centre, which opened to no fanfare on Saturday, exceeded all targets by having a wait time of only three seconds per vehicle, and recycling all waste collected. “What a fucking excellent scheme,” said District Councillor for Eynesbury ward, Paul Marcel. “We set ourselves... »
Locals Spitting Feathers Over EU Ruling
The EU has once again chosen Huntingdonshire as it’s testbed for a daft new rule. Under directive 09/447/EC, the terms “spitting distance” and “a stone’s throw” could soon be disappearing, particularly from promotional literature. EU spokesman Johann Rohan said today, “It is clear to me that St Neots is not “a stone’s throw” away from Cambridge.... »
Exclusive! Council Build Massive Bin
The St Neots Citizen can today reveal exclusively how HDC is planning on hitting its waste recycling targets for the next year. We gained access to a secret testing facility near Abbotsley, thought to be in Cllr Bob Farms’ mythical Eynesbury Hardwick parish, and managed to take a photo or two. It is thought that the... »
St Neots Gets New Dump; Huntingdon Angry
Huntingdon residents were today up in arms after they realised that the replacement for their beloved Buckden household waste site was in fact the new St Neots tip. St Neots residents have a long-standing history of demanding the Council provide them, in favour of our neighbour to the North, with facilities over which they have... »
Council To Install More CCTV
Huntingdonshire District Council today announced plans to install “even more CCTV cameras all over the place” as soon as possible, after the supposed success of a new webcam monitoring the building of the new dump in St Neots. The current household waste recycling centre – more commonly known as a tip – is due to... »
Woolworths To Become New Shopping Concept
Word on the street in St Neots is that Woolies is to make way for an all-in-one shopping complex, the like of which the town has never seen. Beatty Broadband, of the Chinese Whispers Distribution Depot (now incorporating the St Neots Rumour Mill) limited, said that the company had been keeping a tab on all... »
Solicitors Disappointed With Christmas Lights
Local injury compensation specialists Win Just Over £7000, LLP have revealed their disappointment with this year’s Christmas lights in the town. Partner Irma Konnman said that his firm had laid on extra staff in the High Street and Market Square last Friday in order to ambulance-chase any victims of falling rigs and masonry. But this... »
Shock Fact Found On Fact Finding Mission
A delegation of councillors visiting twin town Faches-Thumesnil on a “fact-finding mission” have discovered a shocking fact – the very act of which has also shocked them. St Neots Twinning Association exists so that local councillors and do-gooders can go on free holidays to France and get in the local rags both here and across... »
network