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Thursday July 18th 2019

Posts Tagged ‘District Council’

Charlie Sheen Invited To Fill Councillor Role

Charlie Sheen Invited To Fill Councillor Role

HDC have announced that they plan to ask Charlie Sheen to fill the role of District Councillor for Eaton Socon ward following the revelation that incumbent Mandy Gordon was, in fact, not real. Councillor Steve van der Whitevanman said of the move today, “I think Mr [Read More]

Councillor Was Not Real

Councillor Was Not Real

Local councillor steps down after her very existence disproved [Read More]

Council Plans More Bins

Council Plans More Bins

Following news that a council in the Frozen North is using up to nine wheelie bins for each house, HDC today announced a radical new plan for the district’s recyclables. Currently, most people have three wheelie bins, or different coloured bags for their rubbish. The [Read More]

Lib Dem Posters Cause Confusion

Lib Dem Posters Cause Confusion

A local Lib Dem attempt to simplify electoral posters has back fired in spectacular fashion, it was revealed yesterday. Long and complicated second names like Gdnagley and van der Whitevandriver van der Whitevandriverman van der Whitevandriver have lead to a plague of [Read More]

Tories Confident Eynesbury Seat Is Safe

Tories Confident Eynesbury Seat Is Safe

The St Neots Conservative group (SNCG) are so confident they can keep the Eynesbury seat in the District Elections they have nominated a resident of Grafham. When asked why had they (SNCG) had nominated someone from so far afield, Cllr Paul Marcel replied [Read More]

CEO Caught Short

CEO Caught Short

The St Neots toilet closures have claimed their first high profile casualty. HDC CEO Davis Munts was seen fleeing Barrtts department store using obscene language after trying to use the cafe toilet without buying anything. Frightened staff were shaking after a tiraid of [Read More]

Council Blamed For Less Snow

Council Blamed For Less Snow

Huntingdonshire District Council were today under fire from St Neots residents, who claimed that St Neots was not getting it’s fair share of snow. The town’s location in a geographically distinct “bowl” or dip means that the temperature in St Neots [Read More]

Sneaky New Tip Hits Targets

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Sneaky New Tip Hits Targets

Huntingdonshire District Council were today celebrating after their new household waste recycling centre, which opened to no fanfare on Saturday, exceeded all targets by having a wait time of only three seconds per vehicle, and recycling all waste collected. “What a [Read More]

Locals Spitting Feathers Over EU Ruling

Locals Spitting Feathers Over EU Ruling

The EU has once again chosen Huntingdonshire as it’s testbed for a daft new rule. Under directive 09/447/EC, the terms “spitting distance” and “a stone’s throw” could soon be disappearing, particularly from promotional literature. EU [Read More]

Exclusive! Council Build Massive Bin

Exclusive! Council Build Massive Bin

The St Neots Citizen can today reveal exclusively how HDC is planning on hitting its waste recycling targets for the next year. We gained access to a secret testing facility near Abbotsley, thought to be in Cllr Bob Farms’ mythical Eynesbury Hardwick parish, and [Read More]

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This Just In

Town Gears Up For New Complaint

Town Gears Up For New Complaint

Neotians were this week beginning to prepare for 2014′s predicted favourite sport – namely, complaining [Read More]

Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi

Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi

District and county councillor Steve van der Whitevanman caused controversy this week after he definitely didn’t [Read More]

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Meat experts have today shocked the British public with the real reason behind the horse DNA contamination scandal. [Read More]

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Local newspaper the Cambridge Evening News In The Morning has revealed that it is going to sack all its reporters, [Read More]

New School Thief-Proof

New School Thief-Proof

South Cambs DC have revealed that new secondary school Cambourne Village College is designed with special anti-theft [Read More]

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