Tag Archive
Council Plans More Bins
Following news that a council in the Frozen North is using up to nine wheelie bins for each house, HDC today announced a radical new plan for the district’s recyclables. Currently, most people have three wheelie bins, or different coloured bags for their rubbish. The new system will include up to 87 different coloured... »
Lib Dem Posters Cause Confusion
A local Lib Dem attempt to simplify electoral posters has back fired in spectacular fashion, it was revealed yesterday. Long and complicated second names like Gdnagley and van der Whitevandriver van der Whitevandriverman van der Whitevandriver have lead to a plague of difficult to spell names displayed all over St Neots. Pre-empting this confusion, local parliamentary... »
Tories Confident Eynesbury Seat Is Safe
The St Neots Conservative group (SNCG) are so confident they can keep the Eynesbury seat in the District Elections they have nominated a resident of Grafham. When asked why had they (SNCG) had nominated someone from so far afield, Cllr Paul Marcel replied “Grafham’s not that far. We have allowed our District councillors to... »
CEO Caught Short
The St Neots toilet closures have claimed their first high profile casualty. HDC CEO Davis Munts was seen fleeing Barrtts department store using obscene language after trying to use the cafe toilet without buying anything. Frightened staff were shaking after a tiraid of abuse from Mr Munts after being told that he would need to buy... »
Council Blamed For Less Snow
Huntingdonshire District Council were today under fire from St Neots residents, who claimed that St Neots was not getting it’s fair share of snow. The town’s location in a geographically distinct “bowl” or dip means that the temperature in St Neots is on average 1.5º higher than Huntingdon or Cambridge, but also means that... »
Sneaky New Tip Hits Targets
Huntingdonshire District Council were today celebrating after their new household waste recycling centre, which opened to no fanfare on Saturday, exceeded all targets by having a wait time of only three seconds per vehicle, and recycling all waste collected. “What a fucking excellent scheme,” said District Councillor for Eynesbury ward, Paul Marcel. “We set... »
Locals Spitting Feathers Over EU Ruling
The EU has once again chosen Huntingdonshire as it’s testbed for a daft new rule. Under directive 09/447/EC, the terms “spitting distance” and “a stone’s throw” could soon be disappearing, particularly from promotional literature. EU spokesman Johann Rohan said today, “It is clear to me that St Neots is not “a stone’s throw” away... »
Exclusive! Council Build Massive Bin
The St Neots Citizen can today reveal exclusively how HDC is planning on hitting its waste recycling targets for the next year. We gained access to a secret testing facility near Abbotsley, thought to be in Cllr Bob Farms’ mythical Eynesbury Hardwick parish, and managed to take a photo or two. It is thought... »
St Neots Gets New Dump; Huntingdon Angry
Huntingdon residents were today up in arms after they realised that the replacement for their beloved Buckden household waste site was in fact the new St Neots tip. St Neots residents have a long-standing history of demanding the Council provide them, in favour of our neighbour to the North, with facilities over which they... »
Council To Install More CCTV
Huntingdonshire District Council today announced plans to install “even more CCTV cameras all over the place” as soon as possible, after the supposed success of a new webcam monitoring the building of the new dump in St Neots. The current household waste recycling centre – more commonly known as a tip – is due... »
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