Your Premier Local News Resource
Saturday May 25th 2013

Posts Tagged ‘Eaton Socon’

Town Misses Torch

Town Misses Torch

St Neots residents today realised that they had definitely been bypassed by the Olympic torch relay, despite the flaming article in question having travelled through St Ives and Huntingdon nearly a week ago. Tens of people turned out in the county’s two smaller towns to [Read More]

Chav Superhighway Funding Exclusive

Chav Superhighway Funding Exclusive

As the bridge is opened over the Great Ouse, St Neots Citizen has uncovered the missing funding donor for the Eynesbury to Eatons Chav Superhighway. It appears that the unaccounted-for money, to the tune of a Rowley Million, has been put forward by a consortium made up of [Read More]

Bit Of Grass Gains Name

Bit Of Grass Gains Name

A shortcut which runs from Eynesbury Manor to Eaton Socon has been given a name, complete with proper street sign. The rubbish bit of grass and hardcore-covered pathway, which includes a playground otherwise known as Friday nights’ second-best chav socialisation [Read More]

Councillors Demand Equal Airtime

Councillors Demand Equal Airtime

Town councillors from both sides of the river have hit out at local newspapers, including the Citizen, for concentrating too hard on certain of their colleagues. Councillor Oliver Barford, who represents Eaton Socon, said “I’m fucking sick of hearing about Julia [Read More]

No-One Surprised As Eastside Tops Crime Charts

No-One Surprised As Eastside Tops Crime Charts

Residents of Eaton Ford and Eaton Socon today expressed a lack of surprise that down-at-heel neighbour Eynesbury topped the crime statistics in a new “street-level crime map” by the police. Rozzers caused consternation in Cambridge when their new barely-working [Read More]

“Save EMA” Say Off-Licenses

“Save EMA” Say Off-Licenses

Proprietors of the town’s booze retailers today renewed calls on the Government to overturn last week’s decision to scrap Education Maintenance Allowance. The payment of up to £30 a week was introduced by Labour to encourage teens from poorer backgrounds to [Read More]

Councillors Back Cable Car

Councillors Back Cable Car

Ever ready to throw their weight behind a doomed business that should actually be down to a commercial operation, local councillors today came out in support of former council leader Derek Miles’ latest madcap scheme. “Basically,” said Eynesbury activist [Read More]

Work Begins On Chav Superhighway

Work Begins On Chav Superhighway

Preliminary work began this week on the long-awaited foot and cycle bridge between Eynesbury and Eaton Socon, dubbed the “Chav Superhighway”. Residents of the Shakespeare Road area were said to be worried about the high through traffic the bridge, which [Read More]

White Elephant May Be Grey

White Elephant May Be Grey

Rumours currently circulating St Neots have it that the white elephant building at Alpha Park, Eaton Socon – otherwise known as “that shit-off massive empty warehouse” – may not be so white after all. Beatty Broadband, director of the St Neots Rumour [Read More]

Carpark Sponsored By Tesco

Carpark Sponsored By Tesco

Tesco has won the sponsership deal to the Eaton Socon Car park. That car park was closed by councillors recently due to it’s bad state. The current sponsors St Mary’s church were up in arms. Rev Lovegod said, “Its was a shame to lose our – I mean, [Read More]

 Page 1 of 3  1  2  3 »

This Just In

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Meat experts have today shocked the British public with the real reason behind the horse DNA contamination scandal. [Read More]

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Local newspaper the Cambridge Evening News In The Morning has revealed that it is going to sack all its reporters, [Read More]

New School Thief-Proof

New School Thief-Proof

South Cambs DC have revealed that new secondary school Cambourne Village College is designed with special anti-theft [Read More]

Champagne Shoplifter “Had No Taste”

Champagne Shoplifter “Had No Taste”

Local supermarket managers have spoken out about the recent spate of theft of sparkly French booze, revealing that the [Read More]

Shock At Lasagne Meat Content

Shock At Lasagne Meat Content

St Neots’ frozen food connoisseurs were outraged today after it was revealed that some Findus lasagnes may only [Read More]

Microfiche

Subscribe