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Thursday July 18th 2019

Posts Tagged ‘Empty Shops’

Banks Face Off To Be Crowned The Best

Banks Face Off To Be Crowned The Best

High Street banks in St Neots today announced they were scrapping their traditional methods of luring in unsuspecting customers in favour of a massive fight. The posturing began as Barclays texted Lloyds TSB saying, “Our blue debit cards are much nicer than your green [Read More]

Shopping Centre For St Neots?

Shopping Centre For St Neots?

Huntingdon may have had the huge chemical spill to give them the record for traffic tailbacks in the local one upmanship.  Has it come at a cost? The St Neots Citizen has learned that retail guru Marie Harbouras was caught in the tailbacks and had the good fortune to cut [Read More]

Councillor Launches Crusade To Save Local Buildings

Councillor Launches Crusade To Save Local Buildings

Town councillor Steven van der Whitevanman today launched a campaign to ensure that a number of historical buildings in St Neots are not lost to redevelopment. A number of businesses and services have closed recently leaving an even higher number of empty shops and offices [Read More]

St Neots Bridge To Somewhere Goes… Nowhere!

St Neots Bridge To Somewhere Goes… Nowhere!

Shocked residents from the shocking dormitory estate of Loves Farm have been shocked by the news that plans to build the bridge connecting them to the station have been shelved. “I’m shocked!” said Cambridge Road resident L. Tisley. “When I bought [Read More]

Illiterate Chavs Confuse “McDonalds” With “Decent Shops”

Illiterate Chavs Confuse “McDonalds” With “Decent Shops”

Stupid local chavs today proved themselves to be slightly thicker than previously thought, by confusing a fast-food outlet with high-quality retail emporia. St Neots “rude boy” Marly T. Murphy failed to engage brain before mouth, and leaked the following [Read More]

St Neots To Lose A1 Exit

St Neots To Lose A1 Exit

Under a new ruling by the Government, following a “brilliant idea” from Brussels, St Neots is to lose one of its three A1 junctions in an attempt to reduce traffic. Local councils, backed by the Government, have long been fans of half-arsed schemes to reduce the [Read More]

Hole Appears In High Street

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Hole Appears In High Street

A large hole has appeared in the centre of St Neots, causing concern and outrage amongst local traders. The hole materialised over night last week and there was initially some confusion amongst local councillors that it might be the same one that had been existing for some [Read More]

Retailers Kick Up A Stink

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Retailers Kick Up A Stink

A number of local retailers have been kicking up stink, after it was announced that the High Street would be closed for a month. The road closure for work on the sewerage system was publicly announced just days before Iceland opened on the Market Square.  Many retailers [Read More]

UK’s Biggest Iceland “Nothing To Brag About” Says Slough

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UK’s Biggest Iceland “Nothing To Brag About” Says Slough

Grotty Berkshire town Slough today collectively hit out at St Neots residents’ excitement over tomorrow’s opening of the UK’s biggest Iceland store. The frozen food giant is returning to the town with a prime Market Square location after an absence of over [Read More]

Confusion As Entire Country Does Not Move Into Town Centre

Confusion As Entire Country Does Not Move Into Town Centre

A spokesman for the Icelandic government today announced that the entire country was not packing up and relocating to empty local Woolworths stores. Prime Minister Geir Haarde’s aide Olaaf Davesson re-iterated earlier statements that the country, and it’s [Read More]

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This Just In

Town Gears Up For New Complaint

Town Gears Up For New Complaint

Neotians were this week beginning to prepare for 2014′s predicted favourite sport – namely, complaining [Read More]

Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi

Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi

District and county councillor Steve van der Whitevanman caused controversy this week after he definitely didn’t [Read More]

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Meat experts have today shocked the British public with the real reason behind the horse DNA contamination scandal. [Read More]

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Local newspaper the Cambridge Evening News In The Morning has revealed that it is going to sack all its reporters, [Read More]

New School Thief-Proof

New School Thief-Proof

South Cambs DC have revealed that new secondary school Cambourne Village College is designed with special anti-theft [Read More]

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