“Our plan,” said a spokesman, “is to knock the stadium down and move it to St Neots. Of course, we’ll need to flatten some of Love’s Farm, but hey, that’s not a great sacrifice.”

The football club seem to have rather missed the point, which is to prevent the multi-million pound stadium falling into dereliction and turning East London’s Stratford into an even worse shithole wasteland than it already is.

“SNTFC are fairly sure they’re going to use the new stadium, if they win the bid, for seven-a-side tournaments,” said councillor Terrence Dougall. “I for one think it’s a great idea.”

The bid was submitted written on the back of a fag packet, and is thought to be worth nearly £1,000.

Story by Pete Campbell

The shock news came after St Ives Town Council allowed the tradition of coin throwing at children to continue, and St Neots town council has hinted it may follow suit after emergency meetings with the owners of St Neots Town FC.

When interviewed Droggy said, “It’s a dream come true.” When asked if he was referring to the huge move to St Neots FC, Droggy replied “No! Being able to throw coins at the children in the crowd, of course.”

St Neots’ manager said, “The deal is as good as done, all we need to do now is agree personal terms and a bag of coins at each corner flag.”