Posts Tagged ‘Hoodies’
Chavs Rubbish At Rioting
St Neots teens have tried and completely failed to start a riot in a copycat incident following disturbances in London and around the UK this week. Angry fourteen-year-olds – up to five of them – gathered on the Market Square last night armed with pictures of [Read More]
Local Chavs Terrified Of Gun-Wielding Nans
Hoodie yobs in St Neots report they are scared to leave their own homes after gangs of knife-happy pensioners began roaming the streets. Reports in local rags of a “grey crime-wave” only hint at the daily abuse suffered by local teens at the hands of loudmouthed [Read More]
Police Reveal New Crimefighting Weapon
Hoodie asbo twats are to be tackled by an army of dangerous 'Supernans' [Read More]
No-One Surprised As Eastside Tops Crime Charts
Residents of Eaton Ford and Eaton Socon today expressed a lack of surprise that down-at-heel neighbour Eynesbury topped the crime statistics in a new “street-level crime map” by the police. Rozzers caused consternation in Cambridge when their new barely-working [Read More]
ADHD Girl Apologises To Hoodies – Puppy Still Dead
Disgraced former puppy owner May Marston was today facing calls to apologise to local hoodies after blaming them for the death of her dog – which in fact died of natural causes. Marston appeared in several national newspapers and was the subject of a widely-supported [Read More]
Hoodies Help Town Live Up To Expectations
Unknown hoodies this week made sure St Neots lived up to it’s regional – and indeed now national – reputation as “a bit of a shithole” by stamping a small dog to death. Not content with rumours that the town is made up of inter-marrying [Read More]
Entrepreneurs Relocate To Area
The BBC today announced that its popular show Dragons Den will be relocated to a farm just outside Ramsey – and renamed Dragons Fen. The TV Dragons, all millionaires, currently convene weekly in a London warehouse with an pointless economics reporter and massive clock [Read More]
Local Man Fails At Dragon’s Den
Local entrepreneur has failed to impress BBC2′s Dragons with his latest invention, SatChav. Eaton Socon man Darren Feave, 28, designed SatChav to assist local criminals in escaping when in unfamiliar areas. “Ya know what it’s like, like,” said Feave. [Read More]
St Neots Town Centre “Safe” Complains Local Man
St Neots has unexpectedly been declared “Safe” after a local resident travelled the length of the High Street – and back again – without incident. Theloneius P. Staker, of Eaton Ford, said, “This morning I have walked up and down the High Street, both sides. I [Read More]
