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Wednesday May 22nd 2013

Posts Tagged ‘Hoodies’

Chavs Rubbish At Rioting

Chavs Rubbish At Rioting

St Neots teens have tried and completely failed to start a riot in a copycat incident following disturbances in London and around the UK this week. Angry fourteen-year-olds – up to five of them – gathered on the Market Square last night armed with pictures of [Read More]

Local Chavs Terrified Of Gun-Wielding Nans

Local Chavs Terrified Of Gun-Wielding Nans

Hoodie yobs in St Neots report they are scared to leave their own homes after gangs of knife-happy pensioners began roaming the streets. Reports in local rags of a “grey crime-wave” only hint at the daily abuse suffered by local teens at the hands of loudmouthed [Read More]

Police Reveal New Crimefighting Weapon

Police Reveal New Crimefighting Weapon

Hoodie asbo twats are to be tackled by an army of dangerous 'Supernans' [Read More]

No-One Surprised As Eastside Tops Crime Charts

No-One Surprised As Eastside Tops Crime Charts

Residents of Eaton Ford and Eaton Socon today expressed a lack of surprise that down-at-heel neighbour Eynesbury topped the crime statistics in a new “street-level crime map” by the police. Rozzers caused consternation in Cambridge when their new barely-working [Read More]

ADHD Girl Apologises To Hoodies – Puppy Still Dead

ADHD Girl Apologises To Hoodies – Puppy Still Dead

Disgraced former puppy owner May Marston was today facing calls to apologise to local hoodies after blaming them for the death of her dog – which in fact died of natural causes. Marston appeared in several national newspapers and was the subject of a widely-supported [Read More]

Hoodies Help Town Live Up To Expectations

Hoodies Help Town Live Up To Expectations

Unknown hoodies this week made sure St Neots lived up to it’s regional – and indeed now national – reputation as “a bit of a shithole” by stamping a small dog to death. Not content with rumours that the town is made up of inter-marrying [Read More]

Entrepreneurs Relocate To Area

Entrepreneurs Relocate To Area

The BBC today announced that its popular show Dragons Den will be relocated to a farm just outside Ramsey – and renamed Dragons Fen. The TV Dragons, all millionaires, currently convene weekly in a London warehouse with an pointless economics reporter and massive clock [Read More]

Local Man Fails At Dragon’s Den

Local Man Fails At Dragon’s Den

Local entrepreneur has failed to impress BBC2′s Dragons with his latest invention, SatChav. Eaton Socon man Darren Feave, 28, designed SatChav to assist local criminals in escaping when in unfamiliar areas. “Ya know what it’s like, like,” said Feave. [Read More]

St Neots Town Centre “Safe” Complains Local Man

St Neots Town Centre “Safe” Complains Local Man

St Neots has unexpectedly been declared “Safe” after a local resident travelled the length of the High Street – and back again – without incident.   Theloneius P. Staker, of Eaton Ford, said, “This morning I have walked up and down the High Street, both sides. I [Read More]

This Just In

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Meat experts have today shocked the British public with the real reason behind the horse DNA contamination scandal. [Read More]

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Local newspaper the Cambridge Evening News In The Morning has revealed that it is going to sack all its reporters, [Read More]

New School Thief-Proof

New School Thief-Proof

South Cambs DC have revealed that new secondary school Cambourne Village College is designed with special anti-theft [Read More]

Champagne Shoplifter “Had No Taste”

Champagne Shoplifter “Had No Taste”

Local supermarket managers have spoken out about the recent spate of theft of sparkly French booze, revealing that the [Read More]

Shock At Lasagne Meat Content

Shock At Lasagne Meat Content

St Neots’ frozen food connoisseurs were outraged today after it was revealed that some Findus lasagnes may only [Read More]

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