Chairman of the society, Prof John Poems, commented “The project to give these well known fables a modern slant has been ongoing for some time. The recent press coverage of the puppy ‘stamping’ allowed us to complete the project.”

The final fable to be updated was The Boy Who Cried Wolf. It will now be entitled “The Girl Who Cried Hoody.” This well known story tells the tale of a boy who lied about a wolf killing his sheep, but when a real wolf showed up no one believed him.

This new updated version centres around a local St Neots girl May Marston, who tells a whopper about her dog being attacked by hoodies causing national outrage.
A few days later, her dog really does get run over. When she runs home with the crumpled body of the dog she accuses local rabbits of giving it a deadly virus. Of course no one believes her and thousands of pounds are saved by not having to perform a post mortem or looking for Bright Eyes in a hoody with a nasty cough.

In the ensuing furore she is vilified by locals who accuse local vets of not being able to tell the difference between a squashed dog and a case of distemper. The local history society were also said to be excited and were planning to erect a plaque on the Marston’s house to commemorate the story. Famous local historian Henry Tibbut commented “Liar, liar, pants on fire! See how easy it is to fool the press, we wouldn’t waste money on this little fibber.”

The Citizen tried to contact the Marstons for a telephone interview but were told in no uncertain terms to fuck off.

However, a study by the Chinese Whispers Distribution Depot has revealed that 62% of these are completely fictional, and the rest are lavishly embellished.

CWDD spokesman Beatty Broadband said, “As you know if there’s a rumour in St Neots that we didn’t start, we investigate it fully to decide whether it’s worth continuing. Hearing all these stories about fog got us thinking about how many were utter rhubarb.”

Broadband was shocked to find out that, amongst other things, Peter Bellingham, 41, of Parkway, had never accidentally driven into the river; Mavis Reerendum, 86, of Cambridge Gardens, had never parked in the centre of the road ten feet short of her garage “thinking she was home”; and HGV driver Simon Paul, 50, had never driven “all the way from Cambridge to Harrow at 85mph, unable to see more than three foot ahead.”

In fact, says Broadband, the only fog stories which did turn out to be true involved people getting pulled over by the police the next evening after accidentally leaving their fog lights switched on. “It’s quite disappointing really. I thought we had some really interesting misty mishaps in St Neots, but it turns out we live amongst over twenty thousands pathological liars.”