Recent advertisements for an event Ernulf this weekend say that “Eynesbury is on the up and local residents, with support from Luminus Group, are staging a day of fun and information for residents to find out what’s changing in the area and how to get involved.”

This fuelled speculation in the area that, as much of Eynesbury is prone to flooding, the housing association was planning to raise all the houses in the area by three inches using hydraulic piles, or stilts, in a similar style to the canalside buildings of Amsterdam.

The 2004 film, starring Brad Pitt, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Julia Roberts and the late Bernie Mac, among others, centred around the theft of the worlds oldest stock certificate and part of this plan involved raising an entire building by adjusting its underwater piles.

“It’s utter tosh,” said Deputy Town Mayor cllr Alan Runnings. “We mean Eynesbury is on the up in a social and metaphorical sense, not literally on the up.”

“Bugger,” said Caldecote Road resident Mary Lugden, 42. “I was looking forward to seeing George Clooney and his mob crawling around under my house. I’ll have to stick to repeats of ER on More 4 in the middle of the day.”

Bob Gaily from production company Going to the Flicks plc said today, “St Neots is a prime location for a new studio with centres of excellence for the performing arts being located in the town, and nearby Huntingdon and Cambridge.” Why St Neots though? “We wanted to be located in Cambridge,” Gaily said, “but they wouldn’t let us build on the green belt.”

Top Hollywood studios are already queueing up to film in the studios and surrounding area. The Citizen has learnt that planning is already underway for the sequel to James Bond movie Quantum of Solace. The new film, which currently has the working title of The Golden Gravel, will be filmed around Little Paxton Nature Reserve, with a scene involving Daniel Craig being strapped to a gravel conveyor which is heading for a crushing machine.

Insiders also told the Citizen about other rumoured projects including 9 Months Later, a film about pregnant female zombies stalking an abandoned town centre, featuring real-life schoolgirl extras from St Neots; Titanic 2: The Sinking of the Narrowboat; and Old School 2 – a factual documentary about the state of Longsands College.

Auditions have been taking place in St Neots this week for the dequel to The Full Monty, which excited local residents who were queueing round the block to get a glimpse of the male wannabes in action. However, it proved to be a bit of a damp squib with many spectators leaving disappointed. Casting director Jacky Lamb admitted that it had been “a chilly day.”

Story by Bebamag Reporter