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Saturday September 23rd 2017

Posts Tagged ‘St Neots’

Champagne Shoplifter “Had No Taste”

Champagne Shoplifter “Had No Taste”

Local supermarket managers have spoken out about the recent spate of theft of sparkly French booze, revealing that the so-called Champagne Shoplifter had “little or no taste”. The Evening News In The Morning reported yesterday that Robert Pinata of Bedford had [Read More]

Jesus “Ultimate Guest” Say Kyle Team

Jesus “Ultimate Guest” Say Kyle Team

A researcher for Britain’s favourite mid-morning diversion The Jeremy Kyle Show has revealed that the show plans to book Jesus as a guest. “It seems obvious really,” said Robert Kilroy-Silk, who used to host his own show until he turned into an on-air [Read More]

Local Couple Not Planning Baby Or Cat

Local Couple Not Planning Baby Or Cat

An Eaton Ford couple have stunned friends and family by announcing that they do not intend to have children. The revelation came following a three-year relationship which recently turned into an engagement. Many thought the next logical step for Timothy Edwards, an [Read More]

Shock As Casual Friday Not Extinct

Shock As Casual Friday Not Extinct

Office-based employees across the UK were stunned this week to find that Eighties invention Casual Friday, where staff who wear a shirt and tie the rest of the week all turn up in jeans, still exists. Expert Scientists previously believed that the phenomenon had died out [Read More]

Snow Is Conversation Topper

Snow Is Conversation Topper

Figures released today show that snow, ice, and existing in aforementioned conditions accounted for 82% of all conversational content in the last seven days. As Cambridgeshire shivered its way back to work yesterday, following Monday’s mass skive during which 75% of [Read More]

VIDEO: Fags, Horses, & Frozen Water

VIDEO: Fags, Horses, & Frozen Water

As the country ground to a halt due to an inch of slush this weekend, your intrepid Citizen reporters took their reasonably decent camera out and FOUND THE NEWS. Then we edited it in iMovie, so all the dark patches look a bit digital. Can’t have everything eh. [Read More]

“Keep Burgers British” Says NFU

“Keep Burgers British” Says NFU

The National Farmers’ Union today renewed its calls to ensure that supermarket burgers are made from ingredients sourced in the UK. Following a week of scandal in which it was revealed that frozen burgers sold in Tesco, Iceland and other supermarkets across the [Read More]

St Neots Wakes To Lack Of Winter Wonderland

St Neots Wakes To Lack Of Winter Wonderland

St Neots woke up to a complete lack of wintry weather this morning, after the rest of the country announced via Facebook that it was indeed a “snow day”. Despite feeling a bit sick as we typed snow day, the Citizen ventured out into the world to investigate. [Read More]

Citizen News TV 15/1/13: Joey Cambridgeshire Undercover Report

Citizen News TV 15/1/13: Joey Cambridgeshire Undercover Report

An urgent update from the St Neots Citizen! Undercover reporter Neskin Gonzales managed to catch up with local celebrity Joey Cambridgeshire in St Neots this week. Cambridgeshire did not want to be filmed, so Gonzales selotaped his iPhone to the bottom of his face, and [Read More]

Scatalogical Scandal As Phantom Strikes Again

Scatalogical Scandal As Phantom Strikes Again

It has been almost three months since the last horrific sighting of this dastardly deviants work but on Monday 14th the Citizen was contacted by an eye witness. The witness, who wishes to remain anonymous for fear of retribution from this villain, reported “a scene [Read More]

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This Just In

Town Gears Up For New Complaint

Town Gears Up For New Complaint

Neotians were this week beginning to prepare for 2014′s predicted favourite sport – namely, complaining [Read More]

Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi

Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi

District and county councillor Steve van der Whitevanman caused controversy this week after he definitely didn’t [Read More]

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Meat experts have today shocked the British public with the real reason behind the horse DNA contamination scandal. [Read More]

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Local newspaper the Cambridge Evening News In The Morning has revealed that it is going to sack all its reporters, [Read More]

New School Thief-Proof

New School Thief-Proof

South Cambs DC have revealed that new secondary school Cambourne Village College is designed with special anti-theft [Read More]

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