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Thursday November 23rd 2017

Posts Tagged ‘St Neots’

Winter Weather In Winter Shocker

Winter Weather In Winter Shocker

Councillors from the town, district and county councils deluged local papers with letters blaming each other for the inclement weather which has today replaced the lovely sun we had yesterday. Within minutes of the first cloud looming into view over St Neots, cllr King [Read More]

Beirut Not A Warzone

Beirut Not A Warzone

Newly local man Martin Walsh, planning a charity bike ride to Beirut in Lebanon, has revealed that the city is “not actually a warzone”. People have recently called Martin “fucking mental” for attempting the epic journey which he’ll start at [Read More]

Seals “Probably Not Armed” Say Wildlife Experts

Seals “Probably Not Armed” Say Wildlife Experts

Expert Scientists sought to allay fears of residents today after it was spread about on the internet that various water-dwelling creatures, such as seals and otters, were planning some sort of wildlife war. The rumours started after a seal, which startled some cows in [Read More]

Merger Talks Break Down

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Merger Talks Break Down

Discussions of a merger between St Neots and it’s inferior neighbours Huntingdon and St Ives today ended without conclusion after councillors cited ‘irreconcilable differences’. The Citizen reported on the merger last month, with councillors Marcel and van [Read More]

Going For A Spin

Going For A Spin

Councillors have announced a new plan to reduce accident rates on St Neots' roundabouts [Read More]

St Neots Trials Alternative Alternative Vote

St Neots Trials Alternative Alternative Vote

The town council today announced that from the next by-elections, it will trial the new Alternative Alternatvie Vote system. The Government was last week voting on a referendum to change the system for general elections to AV, where votes for the least-popular candidate are [Read More]

A14 Closed

A14 Closed

The county’s nightmarish A14 was closed earlier today due to an incident which possibly involved some vehicles, and maybe some livestock. [Read More]

Local Schools Abandon Phonics For Nuspeak

Local Schools Abandon Phonics For Nuspeak

Local primary schools have announced that they will not follow Government plans to use phonics to teach children to read. A story in the national news today (Saturday) explained how children will be tested on non-words such as ‘zort’ and ‘koob’, to [Read More]

St Neots Plunged Into Dark Age

St Neots Plunged Into Dark Age

Controversy swept the town earlier today when the local green movement decided that the world could saved by covering the whole of St Neots with Bacofoil. “I’ve studied this long and hard and can say without question that the amount of energy I can trap in my [Read More]

Bit Of Grass Gains Name

Bit Of Grass Gains Name

A shortcut which runs from Eynesbury Manor to Eaton Socon has been given a name, complete with proper street sign. The rubbish bit of grass and hardcore-covered pathway, which includes a playground otherwise known as Friday nights’ second-best chav socialisation [Read More]

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This Just In

Town Gears Up For New Complaint

Town Gears Up For New Complaint

Neotians were this week beginning to prepare for 2014′s predicted favourite sport – namely, complaining [Read More]

Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi

Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi

District and county councillor Steve van der Whitevanman caused controversy this week after he definitely didn’t [Read More]

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Meat experts have today shocked the British public with the real reason behind the horse DNA contamination scandal. [Read More]

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Local newspaper the Cambridge Evening News In The Morning has revealed that it is going to sack all its reporters, [Read More]

New School Thief-Proof

New School Thief-Proof

South Cambs DC have revealed that new secondary school Cambourne Village College is designed with special anti-theft [Read More]

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