Spokesman Beatty Broadband said “We’ve got to the middle of March and there isn’t one really good bit of shit to circulate around the town. I mean really! We’ve had to spread stories about how surprisingly chilly winter is just to stay afloat!”

The CWDD has a long history of keeping the town in gossip, rumours and careless talk – in fact many of the town’s facilities have been attributed to the work of the company. “They got us a KFC by telling everyone there was gonna be one,” said Wheatsheaf Road resident Ann Dré, “and look at all the fuss they created over the cinema!”

Indeed, over the last twenty years the company has gone from strength to strength – the only rumour it has not started itself is that it operates from the huge empty warehouse next to B&Q. “Although that is pretty useful,” chuckled Broadband. “Why do you think we keep telling people Asda is going to move in there? Lol.”

Some of the amenities cemented by the CWDD’s work include Subway, the ‘artwork installation’ by the roundabout at the Riverside Park, a bigger car park at the train station, and the Brampton Pie Company, which is soon to open a town centre outlet.

“Of course, some of our work is not so appreciated,” said another company insider. “We’ll hold our hands up to Eynesbury, for a start, and to most of the cycle lanes, including the ones on the bridge. But if we don’t find something to work on for 2010 we might have to close – and then you’ll never get a fucking cinema.”

“The car park was completely full,” said Miss Ning, who drove to the station after 9.30 to avoid the high parking charges before this time. “I don’t want to pay over three pounds to park my car. I only want to rent the space, not buy it.”

Fellow commuter John Sands, of Hail Weston, agreed. “It’s stupid,” he said. “People arrive at 7am and take all the spaces. It’s selfish.” When The Citizen suggested that this is necessary for people to get to work by nine, Mr Sands looked blank. “9? 9am? That means nothing to me,”