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Tuesday March 28th 2017

Posts Tagged ‘Tesco’

Shock At Lasagne Meat Content

Shock At Lasagne Meat Content

St Neots’ frozen food connoisseurs were outraged today after it was revealed that some Findus lasagnes may only contain “up to 60% horse meat”. The microwavable delights were quickly withdrawn from sale so that the allegations could be investigated. Horse [Read More]

Name Is Definitely Problem

Name Is Definitely Problem

Dear Sir, I recently read your fine article about the late proliferation of equine sustenance available from that fine small business T.E.S. Cohen, plc, as well as a store named after a country, and several foreign ones with all the vowels in the wrong place. I could not [Read More]

“Keep Burgers British” Says NFU

“Keep Burgers British” Says NFU

The National Farmers’ Union today renewed its calls to ensure that supermarket burgers are made from ingredients sourced in the UK. Following a week of scandal in which it was revealed that frozen burgers sold in Tesco, Iceland and other supermarkets across the [Read More]

Cooking With Teens: Poor Man’s Carbonara

Cooking With Teens: Poor Man’s Carbonara

We got a couple of 15-year-olds in to share their recipes. Benny T. Bean is away. Ingredients 150g-200g dried taglietelle per person 4 Laughing Cow triangles nicked from the fridge of a mum or nan Cheap ham offcuts pinched from Tesco whilst ostensibly purchasing a copy of [Read More]

Lack Of Superhighway Upsets Chavs

Lack Of Superhighway Upsets Chavs

New resident in town Chardonnay-Leigh bemoans the yet-unfinished bridge. Will it drag on as long as the busway? [Read More]

Further Outrage At Tesco Carpark

Further Outrage At Tesco Carpark

Recently-revamped Tesco in Barford Road is once again causing consternation with it’s car parking policies. Rowley Road man Trevor Forest, 29, visited the store yesterday (Tuesday), and, despite having a two-year-old with him, was asked to move when he parked in a [Read More]

Tesco To Open Super Extra Store?

Tesco To Open Super Extra Store?

The Citizen has learned that Tesco is opening a new super extra store in the Eatons, on the site of the current Co-Op which everyone still calls Rainbow. On plans for the new store, Tesco spokesman Phil Fawcett said, “The car park is a bit¬†to¬†organised, no award [Read More]

Councillors Back Cable Car

Councillors Back Cable Car

Ever ready to throw their weight behind a doomed business that should actually be down to a commercial operation, local councillors today came out in support of former council leader Derek Miles’ latest madcap scheme. “Basically,” said Eynesbury activist [Read More]

Awful New Car Park Wins Award

Awful New Car Park Wins Award

The much-maligned new car park layout at St Neots’ Tesco, which is designed in such a way to facilitate as many head-on collisions as possible, has one the prestigious “Car Park Of The Year” award. The honour, presented by the UK Guild of Car Parks and [Read More]

Carpark Sponsored By Tesco

Carpark Sponsored By Tesco

Tesco has won the sponsership deal to the Eaton Socon Car park. That car park was closed by councillors recently due to it’s bad state. The current sponsors St Mary’s church were up in arms. Rev Lovegod said, “Its was a shame to lose our – I mean, [Read More]

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This Just In

Town Gears Up For New Complaint

Town Gears Up For New Complaint

Neotians were this week beginning to prepare for 2014′s predicted favourite sport – namely, complaining [Read More]

Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi

Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi

District and county councillor Steve van der Whitevanman caused controversy this week after he definitely didn’t [Read More]

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Meat experts have today shocked the British public with the real reason behind the horse DNA contamination scandal. [Read More]

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Local newspaper the Cambridge Evening News In The Morning has revealed that it is going to sack all its reporters, [Read More]

New School Thief-Proof

New School Thief-Proof

South Cambs DC have revealed that new secondary school Cambourne Village College is designed with special anti-theft [Read More]

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