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Thursday March 23rd 2017

Posts Tagged ‘Theft’

New School Thief-Proof

New School Thief-Proof

South Cambs DC have revealed that new secondary school Cambourne Village College is designed with special anti-theft measures. Motorists on the A428 have been watching with interest from their daily traffic jam as the building takes place, noting that it appears to be made [Read More]

Champagne Shoplifter “Had No Taste”

Champagne Shoplifter “Had No Taste”

Local supermarket managers have spoken out about the recent spate of theft of sparkly French booze, revealing that the so-called Champagne Shoplifter had “little or no taste”. The Evening News In The Morning reported yesterday that Robert Pinata of Bedford had [Read More]

Cooking With Teens: Poor Man’s Carbonara

Cooking With Teens: Poor Man’s Carbonara

We got a couple of 15-year-olds in to share their recipes. Benny T. Bean is away. Ingredients 150g-200g dried taglietelle per person 4 Laughing Cow triangles nicked from the fridge of a mum or nan Cheap ham offcuts pinched from Tesco whilst ostensibly purchasing a copy of [Read More]

Increased iPhone Theft Lowers iPhone Theft

Increased iPhone Theft Lowers iPhone Theft

Police spokesman Kim Stonely-Bolton has revealed that increased theft of much-coveted iPhones in St Neots has in fact reduced reported theft by 85%. “This is brilliant news,” said Stonely-Bolton, “as it shows that Cambridgeshire Constabulary are succeeding [Read More]

Local Criminals “Left Behind” By New Technology

Local Criminals “Left Behind” By New Technology

Following reports of new “pay by mobile” proximity-payment technology due to be launched by Everything Everywhere, who own Orange and T-Mobile, this year, St Neots pickpockets and nan-muggers have complained that they are unable to keep up with new technology. [Read More]

Local Papers In Catnap Shocker

Local Papers In Catnap Shocker

St Neots was stunned today by the revelation that local newspapers may be stealing cats in order to generate front page stories. The shock claims come after a sharp increase in the number of felines going missing in recent weeks, particularly from the Eynesbury area. [Read More]

This Just In

Town Gears Up For New Complaint

Town Gears Up For New Complaint

Neotians were this week beginning to prepare for 2014′s predicted favourite sport – namely, complaining [Read More]

Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi

Councillor Definitely Didn’t Say Nazi

District and county councillor Steve van der Whitevanman caused controversy this week after he definitely didn’t [Read More]

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Meat experts have today shocked the British public with the real reason behind the horse DNA contamination scandal. [Read More]

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Local newspaper the Cambridge Evening News In The Morning has revealed that it is going to sack all its reporters, [Read More]

New School Thief-Proof

New School Thief-Proof

South Cambs DC have revealed that new secondary school Cambourne Village College is designed with special anti-theft [Read More]

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