Councillors including Paul Marcel and Larry Hackman parked a 1984 “Sundance 1000″ caravan in the Riverside car park, and declared that they would not move until everyone acknowledged that their petition to keep it free of charge is the best.

“It’s been obvious for some time that we are working hardest to get this resolved,” said Marcel today whilst emptying the chemical toilet. “I mean, our petition is printed on nice glossy paper, for a start.”

Hackman, making a pot of tea on the caravan’s two-burner stove, said “It got a bit hairy last night as the water levels rose and the park flooded, but we stuck it out and now where are the fucking Lib Dems, eh? Where are they? We win.”

Not to be outdone, Liberal Democrat councillors Steve van der Whitevanman and Terrence Dougall answered the question as to their whereabouts by setting up home in the South Street toilets, which are threatened by closure. “It’s alright actually,” said Whitevanman. “Nice view of Hen Brook, close to town for when Terrence fancies a pie or a kebab. Julia [Wayward] popped by with a nice pot plant and we’ve put a rug down at the entrance. Pleasant.”

Dougall commented that their next petition would “have glitter and fairies and stuff on it, so it’ll be way better than those blue fuckers camping in the car park!”

Council leader Julia Wayward was said to be at a loss for words at the further antics of “those idiot boys.”

“It’s just turning into another ridiculous cock-waving exercise,” she said, “which for numerous reasons I don’t participate in.”

The Camping and Caravanning Club were unavailable for comment.

HDC CEO Davis Munts was seen fleeing Barrtts department store using obscene language after trying to use the cafe toilet without buying anything.

Frightened staff were shaking after a tiraid of abuse from Mr Munts after being told that he would need to buy from the cafe to use the toilet facilities.

Betty Taylor-Harrogate, Barretts’ cafe cashier, was shocked to see such behaivour from Mr Munts, “I was scared and shocked, he was like a wild animal. All he kept screamimng was that he was touching cloth and need to use the toilets urgently.”

“‘Turtle’s head or not’, I said, ‘unless to buy a tea or scone your not using the facilities’.”

At this point an enraged Mr Munts fled the store and was seen heading in direction of Westgate’s. But quick thinking Barretts staff phoned ahead to give advance warning.

Having been seen off by staff at the Co-op department store, Mr Munts was seen heading to the soon-to-be-charged-for Lidl car park with a whiff in the air.

Mr Munts denied St Neots Citizen comment.

The grotty old bogs, whose odour can be detected as far away as Little Paxton, have long been a blight on the landscape of South Street, especially since all the shops and warehouses on the road were turned into houses.

Resident Michael George, 51, who moved into a townhouse directly opposite the pongy pissoir in 2004, said “I keep thinking I haven’t flushed, but in fact it’s just the stench from across the road. It’s particularly bad on market day when so many weak-bladdered old dears visit from the Fens, they have to form a queue outside.”

However, not everyone welcomed the news. “This is a prime location for dropping off ching, horse, mandy and all manner of other drugs,” said Eynesbury dealer Ian Ovitch, 22. “The police aren’t allowed in without breathing apparatus so it’s relatively safe. And I always get my customers to rinse their hands and walk out shaking them dry, so it looks like they actually have just been for a slash.”

Councillors however denied they were taking the piss. “We can’t actually tell you why we want to shut the worst toilets in the district,” said a mysterious unnamed spokeswoman, “but as soon as we think of a reason we’ll be sure to let someone know.”

When we suggested the council use the sale of narcotics as an excuse, the spokeswoman flushed with embarassment and walked away.