Tag Archive
CEO Caught Short
The St Neots toilet closures have claimed their first high profile casualty. HDC CEO Davis Munts was seen fleeing Barrtts department store using obscene language after trying to use the cafe toilet without buying anything. Frightened staff were shaking after a tiraid of abuse from Mr Munts after being told that he would need to buy... »
Nights Out Traditionally Crap Claims Historian
Local historians were today hailing the recent radar mapping of the old Priory site a success having discovered several important artefacts. Unearthed Artefacts dating back over 500 years were removed from the site to be catalogued at the nearby Council offices. Famous local historian Henry Tibbett commented, “We have found the remains of sticky... »
Councillor Demands Bank Access
Lib Dem councillor Terrence Dougall has made headlines by demanding Abbey provide access for mums with pushchairs. Self-thinking councillor Dougall, 62, got involved after a post on st-neots.co.uk which whinged about the difficulty climbing three steps to get into the bank, both for parents with buggies and wheelchair users. One mother, who very much... »
Councillor Launches Crusade To Save Local Buildings
Town councillor Steven van der Whitevanman today launched a campaign to ensure that a number of historical buildings in St Neots are not lost to redevelopment. A number of businesses and services have closed recently leaving an even higher number of empty shops and offices than usual. Many would consider these eyesores, but Whitevanman... »
The Lights Go Down
St Neots councillors were left distraught after learning that the now infamous cross-street Christmas lights can no longer be erected over the High Street. In a surprise move local traders have decided the lights are simply too crap to display. The recent HSE report has been leaked in full to the Citizen with no... »
Dealers Bemoan Closure Of Toilets
Drug dealers in St Neots were today up in arms after the council announced it was to close South Street public conveniences. The grotty old bogs, whose odour can be detected as far away as Little Paxton, have long been a blight on the landscape of South Street, especially since all the shops and... »
Council Have New Site For Cinema
St Neots Town Council today got themselves all in a tizz over the news that a new site may be made available for their white elephant cinema project, as ATS Euromaster announced their Brook Street site would close. “Well that’d be ideal wouldn’t it,” said self-thinking Eynesbury councillor Terrence Dougall. “I thought the old... »
Man "Happy" To Be Away From St Neots All Day
Eastside resident R. D. Hattttt has stunned locals by announcing, “I am fortunate enough now to be away from St Neots all day!” on a local internetweb thing. “Redundancy could not have worked out better for me, my new job means I get to drive away every day. Now I spend less than 8... »
Illiterate Chavs Confuse "McDonalds" With "Decent Shops"
Stupid local chavs today proved themselves to be slightly thicker than previously thought, by confusing a fast-food outlet with high-quality retail emporia. St Neots “rude boy” Marly T. Murphy failed to engage brain before mouth, and leaked the following badly-spelled statement onto the otherwise pristine St Neots forum: “weve got a kfc why havnt... »
St Neots To Lose A1 Exit
Under a new ruling by the Government, following a “brilliant idea” from Brussels, St Neots is to lose one of its three A1 junctions in an attempt to reduce traffic. Local councils, backed by the Government, have long been fans of half-arsed schemes to reduce the number of cars on the road, such as... »
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