Tag Archive
Lib Dem Posters Cause Confusion
A local Lib Dem attempt to simplify electoral posters has back fired in spectacular fashion, it was revealed yesterday. Long and complicated second names like Gdnagley and van der Whitevandriver van der Whitevandriverman van der Whitevandriver have lead to a plague of difficult to spell names displayed all over St Neots. Pre-empting this confusion, local parliamentary... »
Shock As Wayward Abolishes Self
St Neots Town Council were in shock this week as Council Leader Julia Wayward agreed to abolish herself. The roles of council leader and deputy leader will no longer exist, said Wayward today, as they are completely fucking pointless. “Honestly,” Wayward continued, “can you imagine actually LEADING such a rag-tag bunch of whinging little... »
Rowdy Councillors – Must Be Election Time
The recent ceasefire on local forums and letters to local newspapers involving our town councillors is offically over. Which means it must be election time. Recent posts on forums have been councillor-only affairs brushing electorate comments aside. Larry Tapman (Con) comments, “Electorate? What about them? They will just vote on who has been loudest,... »
“No Such Thing As An Isolated Incident” Says Councillor
Local councillor Steve van der Whitevanman hit out at claims that a man getting his ear bitten off and an attempted shooting at Unique this week were “isolated incidents”. “I find it hard to believe this was isolated,” said van der Whitevanman as the Citizen paraphrased his post from the St Neots forums. “Less... »
Council Praised For Innovative Eco-Friendly Lighting
St Neots Town Council was today smiling all over its usual miserable face after the EU gave it a big pat on the back for the hundreds of eco-friendly Christmas light displays installed in the town centre. Despite popular belief that almost no lights have been put up following a massive balls-up two years... »
Use For White Elephant Warehouse Finally Found
The Citizen can exclusively reveal that a use may finally have been found for the pointless empty monstrosity of a warehouse next to B&Q in Eaton Socon. For several years this vast ugly warehouse has been empty blighting the landscape for miles around. It has been suggested as a new cinema, a youth club,... »
Hoodies Help Town Live Up To Expectations
Unknown hoodies this week made sure St Neots lived up to it’s regional – and indeed now national – reputation as “a bit of a shithole” by stamping a small dog to death. Not content with rumours that the town is made up of inter-marrying cousins, and that the clap is airbourne in Eynesbury,... »
Councillor Demands Bank Access
Lib Dem councillor Terrence Dougall has made headlines by demanding Abbey provide access for mums with pushchairs. Self-thinking councillor Dougall, 62, got involved after a post on st-neots.co.uk which whinged about the difficulty climbing three steps to get into the bank, both for parents with buggies and wheelchair users. One mother, who very much... »
Sneaky New Tip Hits Targets
Huntingdonshire District Council were today celebrating after their new household waste recycling centre, which opened to no fanfare on Saturday, exceeded all targets by having a wait time of only three seconds per vehicle, and recycling all waste collected. “What a fucking excellent scheme,” said District Councillor for Eynesbury ward, Paul Marcel. “We set... »
Town Councillors Not Excited Over Exciting New Proposals
Town councillors were today up in arms after the shock news that the use of superlatives at council meetings was to be regulated. The Local Government Agency was quoted yesterday as saying “For many years, councillors have over used superlatives at meetings in order to stand a better chance of being quoted in the... »
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