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Thursday May 23rd 2013

Posts Tagged ‘Traffic calming’

Going For A Spin

Going For A Spin

Councillors have announced a new plan to reduce accident rates on St Neots' roundabouts [Read More]

Tesco To Open Super Extra Store?

Tesco To Open Super Extra Store?

The Citizen has learned that Tesco is opening a new super extra store in the Eatons, on the site of the current Co-Op which everyone still calls Rainbow. On plans for the new store, Tesco spokesman Phil Fawcett said, “The car park is a bit to organised, no award [Read More]

St Neots To Lose A1 Exit

St Neots To Lose A1 Exit

Under a new ruling by the Government, following a “brilliant idea” from Brussels, St Neots is to lose one of its three A1 junctions in an attempt to reduce traffic. Local councils, backed by the Government, have long been fans of half-arsed schemes to reduce the [Read More]

Aliens Abduct Entire Town Council

Aliens Abduct Entire Town Council

Keen watchers of Town Council politics cannot fail to have noticed the recent absence of activity amongst its members. The usual high profile civic campaigns; dodgy fences, purple-headed bollards, 2ft high bumps in the road to name a few, have quietly disappeared from our [Read More]

Mini-Calming Clampdown On Furious Cycling In The Town

Mini-Calming Clampdown On Furious Cycling In The Town

Following complaints from "Mothers against furious cycling" at a council surgery, plans are being implemented to slow down cyclists in the High Street. Sharon Kiley, a local mother, said "I saw one of these mainiacs ride straight over a crisp packet and I thought if that [Read More]

Lib Dems Secretly Win Secret Election

Lib Dems Secretly Win Secret Election

The Town Council's ruling Liberal Democrats were secretly celebrating this week after a secretive victory in a secret election. Van der Steven promised to be accessible to the people of Eynesbury via a premium-rate number. "It's a good plan this," he commented [Read More]

Company Begs Council To Reconsider

Company Begs Council To Reconsider

Northampton-based traffic calming company Dog’s Bollards has begged St Neots Town Council to consider traffic calming Nelson Road as a priority. The firm supplies and installs speed humps, barriers and bollards, mini roundabouts and all other types of traffic calming, [Read More]

Traffic Calming By Investigation

Traffic Calming By Investigation

With the current economic climate and a tighter budget the council have announced they’re looking into the cost of traffic calming methods for Nelson Road. The announcement comes after traffic surveys along the road have revealed that many people use the road and most [Read More]

Health Check Results Revealed

Health Check Results Revealed

Ahead of the Health Check Report final result from the District Council – due out early 2009 – the Citizen can reveal some exclusively “obtained” information. Initial findings have shown the town’s inhabitants to be “quite sick”. [Read More]

New Speeding Measures In Nelson Road

New Speeding Measures In Nelson Road

Motorists speeding along Nelson Road are in for a shock. The council is installing the first ‘road points’ system. Those exceeding the limit will find the road switched to an exit ramp joining the A1 Councillor Steven Bakander said “They will find themselves [Read More]

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This Just In

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Shocking Horse Meat Truth Revealed

Meat experts have today shocked the British public with the real reason behind the horse DNA contamination scandal. [Read More]

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Paper Reveals Reporterless Setup

Local newspaper the Cambridge Evening News In The Morning has revealed that it is going to sack all its reporters, [Read More]

New School Thief-Proof

New School Thief-Proof

South Cambs DC have revealed that new secondary school Cambourne Village College is designed with special anti-theft [Read More]

Champagne Shoplifter “Had No Taste”

Champagne Shoplifter “Had No Taste”

Local supermarket managers have spoken out about the recent spate of theft of sparkly French booze, revealing that the [Read More]

Shock At Lasagne Meat Content

Shock At Lasagne Meat Content

St Neots’ frozen food connoisseurs were outraged today after it was revealed that some Findus lasagnes may only [Read More]

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