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Thursday July 18th 2019

The Girl Who Cried Hoody

The story of “The Girl Who Cried Hoody” looks set to put St Neots on the literary map. The English Literary society have decided to include St Neots in their project to modernise Aesop’s Fables and recent events in St Neots have allowed completion of this exciting project.

Chairman of the society, Prof John Poems, commented “The project to give these well known fables a modern slant has been ongoing for some time. The recent press coverage of the puppy ‘stamping’ allowed us to complete the project.”

The final fable to be updated was The Boy Who Cried Wolf. It will now be entitled “The Girl Who Cried Hoody.” This well known story tells the tale of a boy who lied about a wolf killing his sheep, but when a real wolf showed up no one believed him.

This new updated version centres around a local St Neots girl May Marston, who tells a whopper about her dog being attacked by hoodies causing national outrage.
A few days later, her dog really does get run over. When she runs home with the crumpled body of the dog she accuses local rabbits of giving it a deadly virus. Of course no one believes her and thousands of pounds are saved by not having to perform a post mortem or looking for Bright Eyes in a hoody with a nasty cough.

In the ensuing furore she is vilified by locals who accuse local vets of not being able to tell the difference between a squashed dog and a case of distemper. The local history society were also said to be excited and were planning to erect a plaque on the Marston’s house to commemorate the story. Famous local historian Henry Tibbut commented “Liar, liar, pants on fire! See how easy it is to fool the press, we wouldn’t waste money on this little fibber.”

The Citizen tried to contact the Marstons for a telephone interview but were told in no uncertain terms to fuck off.

Adam Douglas

Citizenship

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