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Friday April 19th 2019

This Week’s A14 Closure Is Feathery Fire

Today’s traffic chaos in St Neots, with delays of up to fifteen minutes, is being brought to you by a lorry full of burning feathers on the A14.

Police closed the road and announced in the Cambridge News that it would be shut “for the forseeable future”.

Local councillors hit back. “I want a time on this,” said Julia Wayward. “For now, I’ll have to assume that the A14 is closed until early March.”

The pillow-ingredients truck caught fire around 5.45 this morning. No-one was hurt. A police spokesman said, “We had a chemical spill last week, and this week it’s a fire. For next week we’re scheduling a loose goat or perhaps a lost squirrel, which will enable us to close this major thoroughfare all fucking day once again, meaning we don’t have to go and fight crime.”

Citizen Editor

The Citizen Editor lives in Citizen Towers, on the town’s luxurious Westside. Rumoured to be nearly thirty, he has claimed to be 23 for the last few years and is currently also a grotty tax-dodging student.

His hobbies involve upsetting small villages and repeatedly giving up smoking. He drinks approximately a gallon of tea every day.

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    One Comment for “This Week’s A14 Closure Is Feathery Fire”

    • Alan Fielding says:

      Brilliant remarks from the cop – he should be promoted just for his honesty. How many of us would like to voice the same opinion?

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