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Saturday September 23rd 2017

WWWO: Councillor Hacked-Off Over Lacking Hacking

The Citizen’s sure to be shortlived While We Were Off series looks back at some of the news that occurred while we were on summer break. Lifestyle correspondant Thundopolous P. Staker files this report:

Bean-Counting Councillor and Territorial Army reservist, Harry “R” Rogerson, today submitted a formal complaint to The Citizen moaning that we hadn’t been hacking his phone.

Disturbed that his phone calls to Domino’s, The Nawab and The Hong Kong had all gone unreported, the former army chef shouted, “THIS IS A FUCKIN’ TRAVESTY! I’VE BEEN IN CHARGE FOR BLOODY MONTHS NOW AND NOBODY GIVES A TOSS! ALL THAT ARSE LICKING AND SUCKING UP TO THE LOCAL BIG KNOBS TO GET MESELF NOMINATED AND NOT ONE BLEEDIN’ DOWNLOAD FROM THE BLOODY PHONE.”

Citizen supremo and editor, Tim C, responded that “I wouldn’t have a clue how to do it and I don’t intend publishing The Citizen on Sunday anyway.”

Dissatisfied, Cllr Rogerson continued, “AAAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHH. FUCK IT! I WANT RECOGNITION! I’M FUCKIN’ IMPORTANT NOW, MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYONE ELSE! I BET THEM HUNTINGDON COUNCILLORS HAVE HAD MURDOCH SNIFFIN’ ROUND THEIR SAMSUNGS! HOW COME HUNTINGDON GETS EVERYTHING WHEN ST NEOTS DON”T? ARRRRRGGGHHHH!”

Reports that the closure of backstreet “tanning” shop Salon Two could lead to the publication of details of  hacked phone calls are entirely untrue.

 

 

 

Thunder

Citizenship

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